So He Broke Your Heart... Now What?
I recently had a friend end a relationship of around six years. And while it was off and on over the course of those six years, this was still someone she thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with. When speaking to her about it, I could see how hurt she was. I could see the pain this change was causing her. I could see how much she wished things could be different. "If only he could have done this" or "if only he could have been more like that." I could see how big of a challenge this was going to be for her. But most importantly, I could see her finally realizing how much more she deserved.
Whether she wanted the advice or not, I had to give her the cold, hard truth about ending a toxic relationship. Why? Because the cold, hard truth about toxic relationships is that they're easy to fall back into--that's what makes them so toxic.
Emotional healing is a process. It is also a process that can take a very long time. I can't stress enough how much you need to completely detach yourself from the person and take time to reflect on how you feel. Think about the hurt and the pain the relationship caused. Think about why it ended. Just think about how you feel in this moment and next time you think you want to go back, remember that feeling.
All I ever used to know how to do was drop everything and go running back to my ex. Time and time again, it was the same thing over and over--heartbreak and lots of tears. Yet I still couldn't let him go. For almost two years, I was caught in that vicious, ongoing cycle. Finally, about nine months ago, I hit a very low point in my life where I reached the frightening realization that I couldn't go back anymore. And while I hated that it took the worst possible thing happening to me for that to happen, I was just glad it was over. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and gone for eternity. Something I never wanted suddenly became the thing I wanted most--to be free from the heaviest damn person on earth.
And here I am, free as can be and living my life in ways I never thought I could. I've learned to love myself again and find happiness in so many other things. Love is not supposed to hurt you or be demeaning, it does not equal control, and it does not fill your heart with bitterness, fear, or distrust. Everyday I learn a little more about what love actually is.
After two crazy, insane years of a million ups and downs, I know I have finally moved on. I want this to be proof that you CAN get over him. You CAN begin to heal and move on with your life. It's not going to be easy and it's going to hurt like hell, but eventually you will find yourself again and find the things that make your heart happy. I pray that it doesn't take what it took for me, but no matter what, I pray that you find the peace and strength to love again.
xo, Alex
Whether she wanted the advice or not, I had to give her the cold, hard truth about ending a toxic relationship. Why? Because the cold, hard truth about toxic relationships is that they're easy to fall back into--that's what makes them so toxic.
Emotional healing is a process. It is also a process that can take a very long time. I can't stress enough how much you need to completely detach yourself from the person and take time to reflect on how you feel. Think about the hurt and the pain the relationship caused. Think about why it ended. Just think about how you feel in this moment and next time you think you want to go back, remember that feeling.
All I ever used to know how to do was drop everything and go running back to my ex. Time and time again, it was the same thing over and over--heartbreak and lots of tears. Yet I still couldn't let him go. For almost two years, I was caught in that vicious, ongoing cycle. Finally, about nine months ago, I hit a very low point in my life where I reached the frightening realization that I couldn't go back anymore. And while I hated that it took the worst possible thing happening to me for that to happen, I was just glad it was over. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and gone for eternity. Something I never wanted suddenly became the thing I wanted most--to be free from the heaviest damn person on earth.
And here I am, free as can be and living my life in ways I never thought I could. I've learned to love myself again and find happiness in so many other things. Love is not supposed to hurt you or be demeaning, it does not equal control, and it does not fill your heart with bitterness, fear, or distrust. Everyday I learn a little more about what love actually is.
After two crazy, insane years of a million ups and downs, I know I have finally moved on. I want this to be proof that you CAN get over him. You CAN begin to heal and move on with your life. It's not going to be easy and it's going to hurt like hell, but eventually you will find yourself again and find the things that make your heart happy. I pray that it doesn't take what it took for me, but no matter what, I pray that you find the peace and strength to love again.
xo, Alex
Love you, Alex!! This is beautifully written and I'm so happy I read it. I admire how strong and brave you are so much. 💓💓
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